The party was, in a word, average. My friend and I stood in the corner observing the goings-on. The usual suspects were all present: the gym junkie, the twink, the drag queen. Sadly, the sleaze was also present.
You know, the one who tries his hardest to pick up everybody at the party - myself included. I guess the flashing neon 'desperate' sign on my head was what attracted him.
That night, the sleaze made a move on everyone - except my friend.
Being left out isn't the best feeling. For one thing, it can bring back painful high school memories. Naturally, at the next party three weeks later, not wanting to be humiliated again, my friend cracked onto the sleaze. Things went to plan, and the two went home together.
Sleazy said he'd call my friend the next day, but like all good one-night stands, he didn't. Then my friend started with the questions: "Why doesn't he like me?", "What's wrong with me?" and so on. Somewhere during that one-night stand, my friend had forgotten that he didn't want the sleaze, and decided that they were made for each other.
And so another clinger is born.
By definition, a clinger is a person who clings or hangs onto a lost cause. This could be a result of a long period of being single, or of always feeling left out when surrounded by couples. Either way, the first time a clinger gets some actual interest they turn from a human being into a sheet of gladwrap. It is a common occurrence, and I'm sure we all know a clinger. There's one in every group.
You must stop these people. Their desperation will eventually lead them to someone who isn't worthy of them. Encourage them to go on dates to see what's out there. If they try to launch themselves at a sleaze, tell them to wait. Slap and shake them if need be. Make sure they keep one-night stands as just that.
If your friend becomes a clinger, please stop them before they become obsessed with a lost cause. Trust me, it will save them in the long run. If you can't do that, then at the very least, make them cling on to something nice to look at.
By KLINTON PORTER
