When I was a kid, my sister and I concocted an imaginary list of things you want to eat but probably shouldn't. Eligible for the list was anything that looked or smelled delicious, but probably shouldn't be ingested in vast quantities.

Like those dishwasher tablets with the special power ball in the middle (they look like something you'd buy from the local milk bar along with three redskins and a Wizz-Fizz) or apple-berry shampoo, which smells a whole lot nicer than it actually tastes, trust me.

Now I have a new one to add to the list: Swiss Navy fruit-flavoured lubricant. Far be it from me to encourage anyone to tuck in to a nice tall glass of the stuff, but these lubes are disturbingly delicious.

They come in four different flavours - Strawberry Kiwi, Passionfruit, Pina Colada and Very Wild Cherry. All four are sugar-free (randy diabetics, take note) and paraben free - paraben being a yucky preservative with all sorts of dodgy side effects.

Thankfully, they look just like regular lube. In other words, you won't be picking passionfruit pips out of your teeth. The fruit scents are light, not overpowering. And while their nutritional value is unclear (Swiss Navy haven't yet sought the Heart Foundation's tick of approval), I'm assuming they're fat-free. The real shock is that they taste authentically fruity - the Strawberry Kiwi flavour, in particular, tastes like the sort of thing you'd pay some vapid teenager to whip up for you at a juice bar.

OK, so they taste great, but this ain't no restaurant review. You're gonna be using these lubes for one thing. Well, possibly for a variety of things, but I'm assuming all would be quite sexual. So how do they perform on the job?

I gave all four lubricants a road test with a playmate (Pulitzer Prize for journalism, I can feel you drawing ever closer) and found they did not disappoint. The taste can be a little disconcerting at first: call me crazy, but until now I hadn't associated sex with a delicious fruit salad. However, if you're looking for a fun way to add a bit of flavour to the bedroom, these will do nicely.

Let's be frank, nothing's more of a mood killer than accidentally getting a mouthful of thick, gelatinous lube while engaged in a hot session of 'special cuddles'. Swiss Navy has found a novel way to counter the problem, and keep fruits everywhere happy.

by NICK BOND